Monday, January 17, 2011

Day 7: Letter to an Ex

This is a 2 part deal...

Dear You & You:
For so long I hated you both, or so I thought...until I realized I can't hate you because without you I wouldn't have my greatest gifts on this earth.  My hate was replaced with pity because it sucks that you are missing out on the pleasure of knowing these great little people!  Each day is an adventure and I'm so enjoying the ride...Times get hard but we make it through each of them!  We are enjoying our journey learning together and truthfully I'm glad that you couldn't handle the responsibility because I'm selfish, I wouldn't want to share them with you!  So I guess this is a thank you letter!!! Thank you both for not being man enough to handle your business, thank you for walking away because you left room for a real man to step up and step in your shoes.  Most importantly thanks for your seeds because that was the best part of you lol and without it I would have never meet the perfect parts of me!  I wish you both the best of luck, hopefully one day in your future you will get it your shit together and possibly make a difference in some of your several kids lives, but as for mine, they will be just fine, even better without you!!! 
Peace & Blessings

Dear _______
You were my first, true love...you taught me that it was ok to love and be loved and then just like it started it was over.  Its crazy that we had 2 wonderful years together but over the matter of 2 months things fell apart...I often wonder why?!  What happened that made things go from great to nonexistent?  
What happened to us?  We were damn near inseparable, I mean if I wasn't at your house you were at mine and if we weren't laid up we were on the phone...and then that day happened, you introduced me as your FRIEND...damn dude, just your friend?!  I know we never put a title on what we had but your "friend" like seriously? What we had surpassed friendship, you knew it as well as I did...but we were both scared...we felt there was no need for labels...until u labeled me...Damn, just ur friend? Are you freaking kidding me?  After all we'd been through I was just a friend...that shattered my heart and I'll be honest, it made me step back.  Since I was simply your friend there was no need for you to be my everything, no need for me to wake up with you on my mind and in my heart or going to bed with you in my ear or in your arms...fuck it, I'm just his friend so why am I going to play the wifey role...I started playing back all the conversations we'd had about what you wanted in your mate and I had all the qualities, except one...damn I'd never be a Trini...and you told me from the beginning you'd never consider wifing anyone but a Trini gyal because they are the only ones who'd truly understand you...that memory pushed me to start doing me and apparently you started doing you because the calls soon stopped, visits, yeah right...then when you did call I was with asshole (see above is ur fault lmao) and when I finally called you were with her...and I knew that was it...damn, its been 7 years and I still miss you...I still wonder what life would be like if we had let go of our stubborn ways, would the twins be yours?  I always told you how much you reminded me of my daddy and they say a girl will fall in love with a man who reminds her of her dad and I did...you were my soulmate, the one who got away...its crazy, I ran because you called me your friend but now I'd kill just to be your friend again...I miss you and you have no idea of the impact you made on my life and I thank you for that!  I wishes came true I'd wish for just 1 day with you to relive the past and put closure on it, even when I think I'm over you I find myself remembering all the smiles, I still hear your voice and see your dimples, I remember your scent and how I'd never felt so safe and secure like I did when wrapped in your arms.  When I last spoke with you I heard something in your voice, you didn't sound like the same cheerful you...you spoke of her like a burden, not the love of your life more like an obligation...I simply hope and pray that you are happy.  Miss you!!!

Love You Always!!! 

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