Letter Challenge to be continued...

I'm enjoying the letter challenge but I had to take a break from them because they have gotten kind of heavy and I need to clear my head & heart and let go of the things I've been holding back for a while, not to mention my time online has been sparse, that's crazy because I used to stay connected and now its like whatever...but I'll continue in a bit...

Day 10: Someone you don't talk to as much as you like

Hey Lil Brother,

I hate that we don't talk like we used to, I realize how much I miss our late night convos, you were one of the few people who actually GET me, I guess because I'm the female version of you.  Its crazy how we've grown apart to almost the role of acquaintances instead of brother/sister but know that I'm always here for you, I'm rooting for you and I've always got you and your family in my thoughts!  Although we aren't as close as we were you are forever my brother and I will forever have love for you!!!

Peace & Blessings
Your Sis from another Mrs...

Day 9: Someone I wish I could meet

Dear You: 

We have replayed this scenario so many times and I'm sure u know that part by heart but my ultimate  goal is to spend a day with you and just enjoy being in your presence, I only need 1 day to just lay in your arms and be, to simply know that sometimes fairy tales do come true...to hear you say the things you tell me daily, while gazing in those gorgeous eyes of yours lol.  I'm going to make this brief because you already know my heart!!!

Until the that day...I'll always be
Your Girl :)

Day 8: Favorite Internet Friend

This is kinda hard since most of my friends on the "internet" are my real life friends as well...and for the sake of not repeating the same person multiple times I'll give the title to my sista...

Dear Girlie:

Can you believe its been 7 freaking years?!  Who would have thought that dropping in on a parenting board would lead to me having real friendships with such a diverse group of women.  While they all were cool people we seemed to be the odd ones out, the black sheeps of the group, the single mamas lol.  Our friendship grew from our common bond of being single parents and dealing with the dumb shit that our children's other parents put us through and the fact that we've both been through similar things.  Its crazy that I'll you my deepest secrets and know that 9 times out of 10 you've been there too...you have been my ear when I needed to vent, scream and cry and at the end of the day you let me know that it's ok and I'm doing a great job!  Thank you for being my friend, I am so proud of you and so proud to call you my friend.

Peace & Blessings

Day 7: Letter to an Ex

This is a 2 part deal...

Dear You & You:

For so long I hated you both, or so I thought...until I realized I can't hate you because without you I wouldn't have my greatest gifts on this earth.  My hate was replaced with pity because it sucks that you are missing out on the pleasure of knowing these great little people!  Each day is an adventure and I'm so enjoying the ride...Times get hard but we make it through each of them!  We are enjoying our journey learning together and truthfully I'm glad that you couldn't handle the responsibility because I'm selfish, I wouldn't want to share them with you!  So I guess this is a thank you letter!!! Thank you both for not being man enough to handle your business, thank you for walking away because you left room for a real man to step up and step in your shoes.  Most importantly thanks for your seeds because that was the best part of you lol and without it I would have never meet the perfect parts of me!  I wish you both the best of luck, hopefully one day in your future you will get it your shit together and possibly make a difference in some of your several kids lives, but as for mine, they will be just fine, even better without you!!! 

Peace & Blessings

Dear _______

You were my first, true love...you taught me that it was ok to love and be loved and then just like it started it was over.  Its crazy that we had 2 wonderful years together but over the matter of 2 months things fell apart...I often wonder why?!  What happened that made things go from great to nonexistent?  

What happened to us?  We were damn near inseparable, I mean if I wasn't at your house you were at mine and if we weren't laid up we were on the phone...and then that day happened, you introduced me as your FRIEND...damn dude, just your friend?!  I know we never put a title on what we had but your "friend" like seriously? What we had surpassed friendship, you knew it as well as I did...but we were both scared...we felt there was no need for labels...until u labeled me...Damn, just ur friend? Are you freaking kidding me?  After all we'd been through I was just a friend...that shattered my heart and I'll be honest, it made me step back.  Since I was simply your friend there was no need for you to be my everything, no need for me to wake up with you on my mind and in my heart or going to bed with you in my ear or in your arms...fuck it, I'm just his friend so why am I going to play the wifey role...I started playing back all the conversations we'd had about what you wanted in your mate and I had all the qualities, except one...damn I'd never be a Trini...and you told me from the beginning you'd never consider wifing anyone but a Trini gyal because they are the only ones who'd truly understand you...that memory pushed me to start doing me and apparently you started doing you because the calls soon stopped, visits, yeah right...then when you did call I was with asshole (see above is ur fault lmao) and when I finally called you were with her...and I knew that was it...damn, its been 7 years and I still miss you...I still wonder what life would be like if we had let go of our stubborn ways, would the twins be yours?  I always told you how much you reminded me of my daddy and they say a girl will fall in love with a man who reminds her of her dad and I did...you were my soulmate, the one who got away...its crazy, I ran because you called me your friend but now I'd kill just to be your friend again...I miss you and you have no idea of the impact you made on my life and I thank you for that!  I wishes came true I'd wish for just 1 day with you to relive the past and put closure on it, even when I think I'm over you I find myself remembering all the smiles, I still hear your voice and see your dimples, I remember your scent and how I'd never felt so safe and secure like I did when wrapped in your arms.  When I last spoke with you I heard something in your voice, you didn't sound like the same cheerful you...you spoke of her like a burden, not the love of your life more like an obligation...I simply hope and pray that you are happy.  Miss you!!!

Love You Always!!! 

Day 6: Stranger

Dear Stranger:

This is strange, I don't know you but I hope if I ever meet you I leave a positive lasting impression on you.  I hope that you see the me that others neglect to see, to hear the words that they fail to listen to...I hope that you touch my life and I'll touch yours in a way that is totally unforgettable.  I don't know you but I love you and I hope for nothing but the best!!!

Peace & Blessings

Day 5: My Dreams

I got thrown off track...life does that and this is literally the first time I've sat down on the computer since Friday at work so here comes days 5, 6, & 7.

To My Dreams:

"What happens to a dream deferred?  Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?  Or fester like a sore then run..."-Langston Hughes

My, my have you changed since my childhood!  I remember wanting to be a lawyer, until I realized I'd have to actually speak in front of people on a daily basis...from there I thought I'd go into business but I hate math and then came my desire to help people, whether in teaching, social work or what I ended up studying in school, speech pathology...along the way my plans changed, life got rough, money must be made to feed my babies and care for my house and it seems I've forgotten all about you...but I haven't...I still think of you often but fear is keeping me from you.  When I prepare to reach out and grasp you fear takes a hold of me and binds my hands. I will one day fight the fear, grasp hold to you and accomplish it all!!! This is simply temporary, I will not let you dry up like a raisin in the sun, I will fulfill each and every single dream I've had...it's my time to shine...watch and see!

Peace & Blessings!!!

Day 4: Sibling

Dear Little Brother


First, I want to say how proud I am of the man you are becoming.  You have made great strides from the slacker you once were and I am excited about the changes you are undergoing.  I know we have our fights but my life would be a whole lot harder without your help.  I know I tell you this but I'm not sure if you really know just how much I appreciate all you do for me and the kids;  although you can be lazy as you want to be you get things done when they need to be done.  I am your biggest supporter!  I know we aren't super close due to me having to play the parent role for some years but I love the growth in our relationship, we have a mutual respect for one another, even when we are arguing and acting like 2 bitches at the end of the day you are my baby brother and like Ethel would always remind me I prayed for you and I'm so glad that God answers prayers!  I want  you to continue to strive for your goals, don't let anything throw you off track and always remember to reach for the moon so even if you fall you'll be amongst the stars!  I'm proud of you!!!


Peace & Blessings
Your Big Sister

Day 3: Letter to Parents...

I won't be posting my letter to my parents but I am going to write it...

edit:  I will post one letter...

Dear Daddy,

I miss you more than words can express!  My life changed Nov. 2, 1997 and I blamed myself for so long.  I remember the day like it was yesterday, I faked sick so I didn't have to go to church (it was communion Sunday so we were destined to be there ALL DAY LONG and I had a project due for school)...I remember being in the kitchen washing dishes and blasting my Outkast Aquemini cd and you were in your room sleeping, mom had went to the store since I'd ruined your "date day" she was going to get neckbones and cigarettes.  I heard you cough and gag so I called your name, no response, I went in your room to see you in distress...I panicked, didn't really know what to do so I dragged you off the bed on to the floor to do what? I have no clue but I began chest compressions, you looked at me in despair and I ran and called Tilly, she's a nurse, I'm sure she would be able to help my daddy...Help my daddy, I screamed in the phone...she came and I called 911, while she worked on you I repeatedly paged mama (this was before cellphones) 911, 911, 911... I remember running down the street to mama in nothing but some purple gym shorts and a raggedy tshirt, in NOVEMBER in CHICAGO...the cold meant nothing to me as I screamed "drop the damn cart and hurry, my daddy is sick" as she made her way in the gate the EMTs were bringing you out, mama hopped in with you and that was the last time I saw you until your funeral...I remember going down to Aunty's while they went to the hospital, I still remember the phone call as I comforted Marshall, and them telling you didn't make it...I didn't want to hear that so I hung up the phone...My daddy was dead?!  What the fuck am I going to do now?  Not my daddy, not my best friend...Its crazy, I remember those few hours so vividly but the next week or so is a total blur, I remember crying myself to sleep that night in the bed with my Ethel...I remember going to school the next day as if nothing happened, until it was time to present and I broke down because I didn't have it...Why? Ms. Carr wanted to know and I calmly said "My daddy died yesterday"....everyone looked at me like I was crazy because I was in school but I knew you wouldn't want me sitting around crying like a "lil punk"  I couldn't act "butter soft" as you would always tell me when I started crying about some foolishness....your funeral came, I remember thinking you would have a fit if you knew they had u in a suit...you would have been much more comfortable in the that funky black and gray sweater with the leather patches, man you loved that sweater lol, couldn't tell you that you weren't sharp!  But you looked nice and dapper in your gray suit, all that was missing was your Dobbs.  I kissed you and said my goodbyes, knowing I was forever going to be daddy's girl.

The months passed, months turned to years and the pain has yet to subside, I think of all the occassions you missed, my prom (I was fly!), high school graduation (I could totally see you standing there grinning from ear to ear screaming "Poodah!!!"), going away to college, of course I picked SIU for you, coming home...the birth of my twins, Kai looks just like you and Mikayla would have you wrapped around her little finger, I already know she'd be spoiled rotten;  college graduations...the birth of Corey and me growing into a woman...I feel cheated that you weren't there for all of those moments but I realize you were needed more in heaven.  Daddy, I am so thankful for the 17 years I had with you, I love to say that I had my daddy in my life from my first breathe to his last.  You were a rare breed and I only wish I'd found someone like you to father my children...the impact that you have made on so many people leaves me with pride as I hear my cousins speak of the impact you made, no one ever has anything bad to say about my daddy and it makes me swell with pride to have had first hand knowledge of the greatness that was you!  I miss you and love you with every fiber of my body, continue to watch over us!!!

Love you Always & Forever

Day 2: Crush

Dear You:


Hey you!!!  I'm sure my feelings for you aren't a secret, I mean we've been playing this game for a year now so I'm quite sure you know exactly how I feel (the fact that I've told you several times may have gave you a clue as well).  I still remember our first conversation and I realized you possessed the physical qualities that I find oh so sexy...and then the conversations got deeper and I knew you possessed all the traits I'm seeking;  I knew you were someone special, then tragedy struck;  a common bond brought us closer and despite me constantly telling myself to think clearly I found my self slipping and falling fast for you...then reality hit,  you are what dreams are made of but due to circumstances our story won't have a happily ever after, at least not the fairytale kind but over the year or so we've been friends you have been there for me through my ups and downs, my happiest times and my sad ones.  I'm scared of the me I become when in your "presence"...gone is the me who is strong willed and argumentative, I become a stranger lol, submitting to your request with no argument...no argument from me? Yes that is extremely weird but that is the affect you have on me.  I can truly say in the beginning it was purely lust, strictly carnal but it has come full circle, yes I'm still attracted to you, yes, I'd still fuck you every way possible and even create a few moves especially for you but its so much more now, you have my heart because you care or if you don't you are a damn good actor, but you've given me a reason to believe in fairytales and happy endings because I know although nothing will come from my "crush" I have a true friend in you!!! 


Peace & Blessings 
Your Girl :)

Day 1: Best Friend

Dear Best Friend:  

Unfortunately I have no one who I can say is my best friend.  Its kinda sad that at 30 years old I don't have a best friend, I have my friends who all play an important part in my life in whatever capacities they hold but there is no one who I can claim as my best friend;  now that I think about it I don't believe I've had a true best friend since grade school but we grew up and outgrew each other, with high school came the end of the weekend sleepovers, the 3way calling our crush and giggling all night.  Then came high school, I was simply existing, thats when I came into my anti-social socialite lifestyle, I was cool with everyone, everyone knew me but at the same time no one really knew me at all.  College was the same way, I left home with these grand dreams of making lifelong friendships and almost did but again, life took over and we lost contact.  It was then I took on the mind-frame that maybe I just wasn't cut out to have female friends, I'd probably never have that sisterly bond, that camaraderie that is depicted in books and movies, so I settled for being the girl who kept nothing but male friends, which was cool until sex came into play lmao...either they wanted it or I wanted it or we both wanted & did it and things went downhill lol.  I can say that during that time I was blessed with the one person I do/did consider my best friend, our relationship was toxic;  the love/hate thing, yeah we had it down to a science but that was my heart, my soul, my best friend...and then sex ruined it...then he died without me ever telling him how much he meant to me.  

Fast forward a few years, I still don't have a "best friend" but I have a core group of sisters who I  love, although we may be separated by distance or our lives may not allow us to talk all day and night on the phone I know my sisters have my back whenever I need them as I do theirs.  I know that I could never trivialize my friendship with each and everyone of them by placing a BFF title on any because they are all awesome, they all serve a specific purpose in my life and at 30 years old I can finally say I'm content, I'm not having a BFF because I have something so much greater, I have sisters who will check me when I'm tripping, calm me when I'm panicking, laugh when I'm silly, call me out for my bullshit, hold my secrets and let me know that I'm not the only one who has done dumb shit...for this I am grateful...as for the one and only to forever hold the title of my BFF I miss you & love you and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you (yeah, that could be due to the fact I named the holy terror after you...yes, I know that is all you terrorizing me in toddler form!)

Peace & Blessings... 

Ohhhh...yeah...

I start a 6 week fitness challenge today( Jan 10, 2011)...I know 6 weeks will not put a dent in what I need to do but it's a start...I'll track my progress.

30 Day Letter Challenge

So I found this challenge on one of my favorite Tweeter's blog and I think I'll partake in in...the challenge is to write a letter to someone for 30 days...the topics have been selected but I may change a few up because some of them are stupid or overlap...so for the next 30 days I will write a letter to someone/something...my thoughts, my feelings...

The 30 Day Letter Challenge

WRITE A LETTER TO THESE PEOPLE :

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Day 2 — Your Crush

Day 3 — Your parents

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror